The Year of Change

April 1, 2012

A year ago today……… I got up just like any other day, showered, dressed and went off to school.  I had no clue what this day was going to mean to us.  Dirk was always long gone (out the door by 5am) before my alarm screamed for me to wake up.  I would usually roll into the garage after school around 3:30 pm, which left me with many hours in the day before he would get home around 8:00 pm.  This day, April 1, 2011 was different, but I didn’t realize just how different it was until I opened the garage door after school to see a big brown Jeep parked there.  THAT was my first clue.  I turned off the car engine and just sat there.  He is NEVER home this time of day during a week-day.  I thought to myself, “OH NO!”  Something is terribly, terribly, wrong.  Dirk is either very sick, or, he got fired.  I got my things together and made my way in the house.  I never even made it up stairs.  I stood at the bottom of the steps with a pit in my stomach.  He was sitting at the desk in the upstairs loft, so I knew he wasn’t sick.  I said, “What are you doing home?  Did you get fired?”  He walked down the stairs with a look on his face that already told me the answer to my question.  I knew, but he answered with a “Yes I did as a matter of fact.”  Out of complete and utter shock I began to cry.  I had no possible understanding as to how this could be happening to us.  NOT US!  After tears, came anger.  NOT US!  We work hard, we live right, we help people, we believe in God, we are the people that others turn to when they are down, and this CANNOT BE HAPPENING TO US!  But……it was.  On this day, I thought and laughed out loud and said, “He fired you on April Fools Day?  You have got to be kidding me, right?”  Surely it was all just a bad joke.  We had been known to pull off a few April Fools pranks over the years, but this time is was all too real to wrap my head around.  While most people would say we certainly didn’t deserve what happened to us, I say, maybe we did!  You see I believe what happened to us a year ago was a gift from God.  He knew we couldn’t go on with the life we had, and there was really only one way to get us out of it.  Dirk was so committed to his job and employer that he never would have quit, so we had that decision made for us.  Our lives had become full of work, and horrible stress, with Dirk putting in 4 hours everyday in the car traveling to and from work while working 11+ hours each day, on top of working many weekends.  We couldn’t have a marriage and life full of nothing but work.  We were struggling and we knew it, but the options were not put in front of us until April 1, 2011.  We prayed for change, and we got it.  So, what happens when something absolutely surreal becomes your reality? 

The first few days of sorting out what we were to do with our “situation” seemed more than uncomfortable and almost nauseating, but Dirk was amazing and diligent, promising to find something better for us, having faith that we were going to be “fine.”   Both of us were of course hoping for more than fine!

My home in Ohio

After getting a resume together (which is a task that is daunting to say the least), and applying for more jobs than we could count, my husband was blessed with the opportunity to take a position with a good, solid company that he felt good about.  The BIG drawback for us……..we would have to move.  So, what I dreaded most was going to happen in order for all of this to work.  I had to give up almost everything I held dear to me, to be with my husband for this new job.  My beautiful home, my job that I loved, my town that I have lived in for 16 years, and most of all…my daughter.  How?  HOW?  HOW DO I DO THIS?  I cried more than I think I ever have.  It was like a death to me.  Or was it the death of me?  Not that I was dying of course, but it was as though almost everything I knew was dying in a way. 

I have always thought of myself as being a strong woman.  I always told myself I could do just about anything I wanted to as long as I tried by best.  Well, this was going to be like no other challenge I had ever been tested on, so all I could do is try!  I tried to stay positive and have a good attitude about everything at least on the outside.  All along on the inside, I was screaming bloody murder inside my head, because I was freaking out!  I tried to stay strong really I did, but there were a few times that I just sat and cried.  And cried...and cried.  And honestly....I hate to cry, but the water works were flowing!

Upon a whirlwind nightmare couple of months, of getting our house ready to sell; painting, mulching, caulking, tiling, cleaning, purging, purging and more purging, we were ready.  We put our house on the market and prayed for a speedy sale.  We priced it to sell, and sell it did!  After a remarkable 4 days on the market we sold our house!  It was unheard of in this economy.  Not one person could believe it, and we were at the top of the list of those who were in utter disbelief.  Perhaps another gift from God?  Absolutely!  No other reason for it.  Other houses in our neighborhood are still sitting there today, many months later just begging to be purchased.  WE WERE BLESSED AND WE KNEW IT!

Some of my very favorite students came back to say goodbye. 

After the realization hit that we were in fact moving to St. Louis, the rest began to sink in as well.  Next in line was quitting my job and saying goodbye to so many that I love (more tears).  Moving my daughter to her own place (yep, tears again).  The task of finding a new place to live in St. Louis (lots of tears here as well), on top of packing EVERYTHING we have ever owned for 30 years, and needing it all done in less than 30 days.  The next few weeks were a blur and overwhelming to live through, but looking back, all of those steps were very important in leading me to the happiness I have today.  Each step was a part of a process that I had to go through to wrap my head around a move that I honestly never wanted.  A move that was pushed on us out of need and not want, but I realize now, was a gift, and a much needed gift at that.  

One of the hardest things I had to do during this process was leave Kelsey.  While I hoped this was what was the best thing for our family, it did NOT feel like something I was ready to do.  I knew as a Mom the best thing for my daughter was to let her go, but in my heart she was still my little girl and I couldn’t imagine ever being ready to do that!  Kelsey had just recently graduated college and taken a job in Ohio, which didn’t pay a lot.  She was hoping to live at home and save money to go back to school, or save for future plans.  She was thrown into all of this just as we were.  It was not something she wanted either, but again, a gift to her, even though we didn’t see that it was at the time.  It has given her a wonderful opportunity to live on her own and grow as an adult.  She has a darling apartment that is perfect for her.  While we were all used to having more space than we knew what to do with, we have become great with maximizing every inch of a small space now!  She is happy and on her own, a responsible young woman buying her own groceries, paying her own bills and maintaining a grownup lifestyle that we are so proud of.  She is working, caring for herself and others, and is in a strong committed relationship with The Lord and her wonderful boyfriend Troy.  We really couldn’t ask for more. 

My beautiful new home

Fun at the Mardi Gras parade 2012

My precious family, December 24, 2011.  Christmas is our favorite holiday.  Kelsey flew to St. Louis for her first visit.

The last year has brought such difficult changes to our family, but happily I can say we are better than ever.  The last 31 years of our lives spent together have had it's ups and downs, which is to be expected in a marriage.  We are now enjoying our time together in a new loft in downtown, exploring new restaurants, new places to visit, taking walks, talking and just enjoying being together all over again.

While leaving everything that we knew in Ohio behind was really difficult, we can look back on the great memories of what we had.  We had a beautiful home and a backyard filled with love, we had friends who loved us and still do, and we raised our daughter in the very best way we knew how to.  We had a full life in Ohio, and now we have moved on to a new stage in our lives.  Looking back is always fun, but we are not living in the past. We are living in the present and looking forward to the future and what it holds for us!  We know we have had many blessings in our lives, and we are grateful for all of them.  We look at each day as a gift, and try to see the beauty in everything around us.  One of the reasons I love to take pictures is to capture those moments I hold so dear.   The past year was full, and crazy and very overwhelming and perhaps the most challenging of our lives, but we are all in a better place now than we have been in years.  My heart is at peace and I know we made the right decision.  The year that I will never EVER, forget.  This was the year that set us on a new path with new adventures and rekindled love. 

This was the year of change.  Sometimes change is good.

There is

Always,

Always,
ALWAYS 

SOMETHING

TO BE
THANKFUL
FOR!  

I am thankful for all of it.

1 Thessalonians 5:18